Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
