there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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