I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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