DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
