I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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