I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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