She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
