you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
