all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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