Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
