Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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