I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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