11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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