I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
