brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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