i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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