I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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