I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I need a burrito and a hug.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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