i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
