What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
