You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
