how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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