I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
