Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
