Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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