I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
