R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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