Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
high people should be assigned attendants
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
