So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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