I am spending my child support on dildos
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
