i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just want nice things and good sex
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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