Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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