this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
