brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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