only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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