Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
