There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize