My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
