You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
