Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
