You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize