first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
