Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
