Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
