I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
