and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
