hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
