Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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