life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
