Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
