The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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