I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
