Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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