i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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