Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
