How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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