Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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