If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
well you can't waste a boner
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
