I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize