I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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