Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
