why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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