I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
whose parrot is this?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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