I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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