Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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