He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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