I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
