He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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