I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
