You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
