Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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