The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
