i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
