Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
