Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
