Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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