i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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