True but thats because hes a fetus.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
