Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The Olympian is in my bed
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
