Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
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