South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
