Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
